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I half-wanted to draw the hill titan seriously, but the setup was too ridiculous to resist
Hey guys, dropped the ball on these. Highlights of my year so far include two professors trying to teach a class together and ending up hating each other so much they stopped talking outside of class, death threats (for real), one of my professors threatening to quit over what can only be described as an absolute shitshow, and an actual fucking Nazi infiltrating a social justice space I’m involved with. Without further ado, all of this year’s update logs.
why are you wearing four crowns
spent my whole morning trying a new art style.
fanart from Dwarf Fortress, where goblins invade riding giant birds and bring wooly trolls
So I’m super confused about something that just happened to me in a game of Dwarf Fortress:
My dwarves make it to the summer of the second year. I neglected to provision an axe at embark because I swapped the copper battle axes for copper warhammers, so my carpentry output was nearly nil. Trading caravans weren’t any help; none had axes for trade, nor bars I could turn into axes. This is important because without wood to work with, I decided to play around with making a nice Tavern/Inn (yes, one without beds, but it got popular despite this).
From pretty early on I had my Idlers smoothing every surface in the fortress. Stone detailing equals happy dwarves or something. By the spring of year 2, most of the fort was smoothed or enrgaved, including the dining hall/Tavern. S tone detailing also equals mundo fortress value, and because I was fairly desperate to trade for metals I had my craftsdwarf workshops outputting gem-encrusted crafts, the fortress value was through the roof for my stage of the game.
Word gets around that I have a pretty sweet Inn to come party at, and I’m surrounded by some cities, so I get just tons of guests. Multiple musicians petition to live at my fort to entertain, and the size of my military almost triples from the mercenaries signing on.
Things around here are pretty sweet, and a gang of thugs from the nearby human city calling themselves the Council of Music decide they want a piece of my Inn-having, polished smooth, gem-encrusted little fort-in-a-hill. A group of about 20 come busting down my door, and my military makes quick work of the ruffians. A few manage to escape, and I can only assume when they got home they told the rest of their gang that yes, the Inn really is as sweet as was adverti sed.
A few months pass and I get the notification that Ebbak Ishespidud Bekor Okgush, Minotaur Axeman is visiting my Tavern (I don’t remember if it had that full name when it arrived or if it became Legendary while on the property). Huh, okay. Well, it says he’s a guest. I didn’t get any Vile Force of Darkness message or whatever, so I think… it’s cool? Hope you have fun carousing on my sparkling dance floor.
Let me tell you, he did have fun.
I go back to managing my workshops and after about 30 seconds I get the notification that my dwarves are getting interrupted by the minotaur. They must be getting spooked by it or whatever. I Zoom to it and lo,
Blood, it’s just everywhere. Corpses are strewn about. All my chickens are dead, too, apparently. The minotaur’s combat log is 44 pages long, and half my dwarves are dead.
Best I can tell, the minotaur walked in the fro nt door, and keep in mind I let him because the game told me it was presumably friendly– a Guest of the Inn– strolled into my chicken coop without encountering any dwarves and started killing them. It’s at this point I think my farmer investigates the ruckus and attacks the minotaur out of chickenrage. The minotaur dispatched my poor farmer and delves deeper into the fort, rampaging through the housing area and eventually to my illustrious tavern.
Keep in mind this happens in the span of half a minute, and the game is only giving me Interrupt reports, not Combat.
I immediately send in my military and they slay the beast and take heavy casualties in the process. Okay, fuck. The combat logs don’t really reveal much, and are a bit super cumbersome. I search for the minotaur in Open-Legends, and, yep, turns out he’s part of the Council of Music.
Again, it wasn’t an Invasion. He was by all rights a Guest. I t hink what happened was, the survivors of the attack a few months prior gossiped about the High Quality Inn in my fort and Ebbak Minofucker decided that sounded like a nice vacation. He visits, fully intending to drink and socialize, but when he walks in the front door, because he’s associated with the Council of Music which are at war with my fortress, he’s hostile to everything inside.
Okay, crazy things happen, I’ve still got half my dwarves, I’m gonna try to recover from this tragedy.
Two. Weeks. Later.
Xah Osushopi Abliasa, Minotaur Axeman is visiting the tavern!
Ah fuck naw. The walls are still wet with blood. I STILL HAVEN’T BURIED MY DEAD. I ain’t having a repeat of this. Ragged military remnants go!
Loyally, my human mercenaries march one-by-one and are struck down by the bull. The minotaur rampages around my fort getting Wrestled at ineffectually by my peasants and picking them all off. Finally, my war dog, which was fucking off somewhere in the mines until this point I guess, tears the invader’s throat out, killing it.
I’ve got one dwarf left, mangled and bleeding out on the floor. I’m about to retire the fort when,
Some migrants have arrived!
Oh, you poor bastards have no idea what hell is awaiting you inside these halls.
That’s where I’ve stopped for now, after checking the Legends and confirming this minotaur is also from the same gang. There’s 30 dwarves in this wave, which I reckon is about as many dwarves as I had before the massacre. I think I can recover from this and fill the yet half-dug crypts with the dead, but I fully expect another minotaur from the Council of Music to join the party in another few weeks time.
I think I’m gonna lock the fort up tight in the short term, and restrict the Inn to exclusively dwarves going forward. If anybody wants the save, or knows more about the game and can tell me what exactly happened, I’d love to know.
Small Edit: Consulting the wiki, minotaurs can show up naturally once the population reaches 50 and exported/created wealth gets too high. I had below the population breakpoint, and I’m pretty sure my wealth was too low for semi-megabeasts to arrive, so that’s absolutely not the cause.
Oh my lord, a necromancer invaded and someone (NOT ANYONE IN MY ARMY) just THREW THEIR BABY AT THE UNDEAD GOBLINS AND THEY STARTED RUNNING.
WELL, UHH HUH.
A dwarf of mine decided it was a nice idea to crawl in a tree and die today??
Godspeed, do what you want with life. We have so many stepladders this is absolutely ridiculous.
The ulu is one of the fundamental dance positions. there should be a debauched arm carriage with a refined hand gesture.
a debauched arm carriage with a refined hand gesture.
when ur an introvert and relatives stop by for a surprise visit